Friday, 3 March 2017

tiptoe

these days, everything is getting even more difficult.
I don't understand many things
and, the more I look into the problems, the more I got stucked
I don't know whats gonna happen next
life upset me.
everything upsets me.
thats all i can say for now

Wednesday, 14 December 2016

selfless

It was almost unbelievable;
what I did to my life, to myself.
The choices I made,
the wrong turns I took,
the 'some things' I might have to abandon.
For many times,It was as if I'm no longer myself,
being me is no longer that important.
What matters to me now is my parents, my family.
2016 brought me heartbreak.
my heart was numerously crushed I lost the count
my trust was burned to ashes I might have to live in doubt forever.
my hope was gone, nowhere to be found.
I was at my lowest point,
I am still at that point even now, in  the present.
Yet, I cannot walk away.
Doing so means being selfish.
Finally, I decided to become selfless.



Thursday, 4 August 2016

desserted

some times,
somehow...at one point
of life...whatever unnecessary things that you thought
you shouldn't bother complaining
that you thought you could handle it yourself
without telling no one
not a single person on Earth
those things that you believe
will just passed by
those feelings you've been barricading
from yourself
from everyone
they started to pour out
just like that downpour
you used to see back in your hometown.
they're pouring out so much
you drowned.

afterall,
i guess feelings demand to be felt
you could run from it
but you couldn't hide from it forever
and when it did happened
you gonna break so hard

it's insane,
i mean
how could sadness make ones affected so much?
how could lack of trust of your own ability
hit you so hard?
how could feeling incapable of carrying so many loads on your shoulder
tear you apart?
how could you become so weak
all of sudden?
after all the strength you coated..


and,
by the time you realized,
you've been putting band aids
for way too long
it worn you off.
you're kneeling on the ground,
again.



Monday, 18 July 2016

rescheduled months

Nowadays,

no.
these few months
it had been very difficult
to even put up one entry.

there were so many things going on
and some are still going on
that make it almost impossible
to even find time to write a line-
like my action research which i have very least interest
upon completing it.

i don't know but there seemed to be these huge barrier and i don't really understand
what i'm looking for or what i'm exactly trying to achieve in my own research
probably because i have different point of view initially
but due to unavoidable circumstances and task requirement,
i had had to change whatever things/intervention that i plan to do
and make them scripted like that..
which, i don't really like
like, really, i duno what to do with my research
as for now, i just kinda go with the flow..
just for the sake of completing a particularly required task
and,
if by completing and shed blood to complete that research
don't provide me the promised posting
i would go nuts and eat everyone up,
heh


next,
married life
being a wife,
is totally different from being a single girl

the responsibility is thrilling and exciting

where i would be like,constantly thinking and be in this situation where i became very aware? particular? emm i don't know the exact word but it kinda goes like these...?

"will this be okay?am i going to hurt my husband's feelings if i do this? or will he likes the meal i cooked? is he going to give permission? is he alright? is he eating well? will this be considered sinful?and so on and so forth..

so, see it teaches me to think not only about myself
but, himself too.
basically the thought of him will always come first
then, myself
it sort of gives you that thrills of carrying such responsibility.

fun and thrilling is what i can say
emerging grown up
haha!

Saturday, 9 April 2016

a tribute to March


An abundance of March.

asyik an abudance of Katherine ja kan.

March.
I would say March is a month
full of everything.
By everything, i mean everything
starting from personal life to student life to normal
living human life.

wait,not so normal because
i got very little sleep.

mot hectic
most vulnerable
most underrated
most unbelievable workloads
and most pressures.

there,
basically March is a most in everything.

and that explain why i cannot put up
even one entry for March.
yes, I am that busy.

pausing from work for a minute
made me feel guilty.

so, bye bye March
it's been a rough but satisfying journey,
i'm hoping to see a good April.



Sunday, 28 February 2016

Sunday, 21 February 2016

countdown

i should probably start the countdown
and no longer lost the time track.
it is currently 21/2/2016
and the major event is going to be on
13/3/2016

which means i still have
20 more days to go !!!
SERIOUSLY?!
can't breathe !
mixed feelings
nak muntah
okay bye
nervous.
T.T